


la légende magrichonne

by okaygarlic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chatting & Messaging, Group chat, Highschool/University AU, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Teasing, chat fic, each chapter is one-member centric, friendships, i swear this is fun but i tried, joking, the author cant write welp!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-10-05 19:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17330609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okaygarlic/pseuds/okaygarlic
Summary: probably the worst fic y'all can EVER read but hey! thats it! ths is inspired by many things and especially other chat fics i have read but there are too many so i cant reference them :(





	1. jaemin is stuck in a whole, welp!

**Author's Note:**

> heyo! this was originally going to be a nct dream chatfic but welp! im soft for johnny, so i decdied to make this a nct chatfic and each chapter in one-member centric so ye watch out fot that! lol im also thinking of doing a mamamoo and exid chatfic but that will show up later so if my 2 cent humour is shared amongst my chtafics, you know why! (because i have a non-existent sense of humor, i can legit laugh at ANYTHING). please do comment and give me kudo or sum, thanks! (your girl never uses punctuation, cause she illiterate)
> 
> u/n:  
> mark: mork (marqué99)  
> renjun: injun (moonmin00)  
> jeno: nono (milky.boy00)  
> donghyuck: sun (fullsun00)  
> jaemin: nana (baby00)  
> chenle: lele (dolphin01)  
> jisung: pwak (b-king02)  
> lucas: yellow (bonjour99)  
> johnny: john (john.the.baptist.95)  
> ten: seven (chitts.96)  
> yuta: nom! bitch (yutavis.666)  
> kun: ku(wu)n (xiao.fei.96)  
> doyoung: charlie (ddyoung.96)

 

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

10:45

 

 **sun:** are yall fucking hearin' this??

 

 **lele:** iM SCREAMING

 

 **pwak:** can confirm. im with him

 

 **injun:** like wow !

 **injun:** who would think such a skinny legend would exist !

 

 **yellow:** _la légende maigrichonne_

 

 **sun:** a what ?

 

 **lele:** it's okay i can speak spanish

 

 **nono:** no you can't

 

 **lele:** umm sweaty, dora the explorer says so

 

 **mork:** say pig in spanish

 

 **lele:** _shut up you lowly mortal_  [in spanish]

 

 **mork:** so apparently he does know how to speak spanish

 

 **sun:** anyway first order of business, can yall believe that ten, the nation's skinny legend, serenaded johnny with shape of my heart, in the middle of the courtyard, in a WHOLE! america wowie and fucking yuta is playing the guitar like ugh KING.

 

 **injun:** no, i saw the tape recorder playing the acoustics behind him, this fool aint slick.

 

 **lele:** [starts playing on the piano dramatically] I KNOW THAT THE SPADES ARE THE SWORDS OF A SOLIDER

 

 **sun:** I KNOW THAT THE CLUBS ARE WEAPONS OF WAR (come on mark)

 

 **mork:** fine.... i know that diamonds mean money for this art

 

[ **seven** (chitts.96) entered the chat!]

 

 **seven:** BUT THATS NOT THE SHAPE OF MY HEART

 

 **yellow:** _bravo, you fools_ (in mandarin)

 

 **sun:** ugh i love my queens, sugababes

 

 **seven:** you know it's by sting originally???

 

 **sun:** who

 

 **pwak:** are we going to ignore what lucas said in chinese???

 

 **injun:** he said babys :)

 

 **lele:** **** ***** **** ******!

 

 **nono:** ok, i can't understand that

 

 **nana:** it okay i can speak demon, its says "she's lying your honour!"

 

 **lele:** i would be offended that you called me a demon, but DINGDING correct !

 

 **seven:** ......well imma leave

 

[ **seven** left the chat!]

 

 **sun:** wait teach me your ways, master !

 

 **yellow:** well lunch is about to end and i still haven't done my history project so can i copy from one of you???

 

 **pwak:** umm we aren't in college

 

 **yellow:** ......right

  


_11:27_

 

 **nono:** since i dont have the power to kick you out of the group, politely leave, hyuck

 

 **mork:** what happened???

 

 **injun:** let me explain. well we were in maths, playing a christmas quiz on kahoot. and jeno was winning even though there were bunch of questions about old white men and old white christmas songs, but what do you expect coming from resident boring.

 

 **nono:** ouch,,,,

 

 **injun:** so jeno was on his winning streak and since hyuck was at a total of -3 points ! wowie ! he was envious, so he disconnected jeno's ipad from the wifi causing him to [LOSE] . and somehow hyuck won cause everyone was at something like -13 points, and now jeno is [PISSED.]

 

 **sun:** accept your fate, you limp bean. anger is the first stage of acceptance

 

 **nono:** NEVER you demon ! i was WINNING

 

 **lele:** tragic.... hitherho how about after school, mark buys us food, say i if you agree

 

 **pwak:** i

 

 **sun:** i

 

 **nono:** i

 

 **injun:** i

 

 **nana:** i

 

 **yellow:** i

 

 **lele:** not you, u rotten barnacle, naughty children don't get fed

 

 **yellow:** what do you mean??

 

 **lele:** remember my caprisun??? yea thought so, B E G O N E T H O T

 

 **mork:** hell no, i don't agree to this

 

 **lele:** well it 6 over 1 (excluding lucas) , you do the maths

 

 **pwak:** can you pick us up immediately, being in a catholic school sucks!

 

 **lele:** rt

 

 **sun:** poor babs lol

 

 **mork:** fine ill pick you guys up after school

 

 **nana:** he actually gave in, HA u FOOL

  


[ **nom! bitch** (yutavis.666) entered the chat!]

 

 **nom! bitch:** heard free food, so i was summoned

 

 **injun:** wow ! an actual demon entered the chat !

 

 **mork:** nah, this ain't chief, yuta can't you ask sicheng to buy you food or sum...

 

 **nom! bitch:** bold to assume that sicheng has money....

 

 **sun:** alright my guy

 

 **mork:** fine! im only buying food for the 8 of you (even lucas)

 

 **nana:** Hark! The fool shall give in

 

 **lele:** Ye lowly mortals are insufficient of thee manly ligaments...

 

 **injun:** DON'T

 

 **lele:** nvm...

 

 **sun:** can school end??? my stomach is [IN PAIN]

 

 **nono:** how does guilty-ness feel, u mortal

 

 **sun:** its brave to assume i can feel emotions, u moron

 

 **pwak:** what are we getting for food???

 

 **mork:** umm.. let's got to mcdonalds??

 

 **yellow:** well i was thinking of olive garden, but i guess we can mcdonalds

 

 **lele:** good enough, free food yall!!!

 

[ **john** (john.the.baptist.95) and 8 others entered the chat!]

 

 **john:** um spare leftovers mam'

 

 **nana:** hell NO

 

[ **nana** kicked **john** and 8 others out of the chat!]

 

 **nom! bitch:** ill meet yall at mcdonalds then after my class

 

 **nono:** k

  


_14:23_

**sun:** welp, im full...

 

 **mork:** of COURSE you are, you ate two happy meals and a mcflurry

 

 **pwak:** MY mcflurry

 

 **sun:** what you expect, im a growing boy goin' thru _p_ _u_ _b_ _e_ _r_ _t_ _y_ , mr. lee

 

 **nana:** guys i want to ask a hypothetical question for a hypothetical friend

 

 **lele:** hypothetically continue

 

 **injun:** don't entertain the fool

 

 **yellow:** don't you mean "don't hypotetically entertain the fool"

 

 **injun:** no the FUCK i do not !

 

 **nana:** anyways what if you were hypothetically walking home and you hypothetically saw a hole in the group, but not to hypothetically too deep, so you hypothetically thought "oh golly ! they must be puting new pipes in the ground...... lemme jump !"

 

 **nono:** DHKJLSKH

 

 **sun:** HSDHJH

 

 **nom! bitch:** im SCREECHING

 

 **sun:** no OUTSIDERS

 

[ **sun** kicked **nom! bitch** out of the chat!]

 

 **nana:** would you hypothetically or hypothetically not get arrested for something like "public vandalism" or whatever?

 

 **sun:** they are drilling AGAIN! damn it

 

 **lele:** damn nana is about to wear them cuffs

 

 **mork:** no... i don't think soo???

 

 **nana:** well hypothetically thank goodness, don't want that to hypothetically appear on my record

 

 **pwak:** i can't tell if this is a genuine question or a predicament

 

 **injun:** we get it, you won the spelling bee. thank u, next

 

 **nono:** wait... THAT EXPLAINS WHY JAEMIN DISAPPEARED

 

 **sun:** well done, sherlock

 

 **yellow:** well know he is getting arrested so......

Good Luck Charlie!

 

-

 

"Well, aren't you going to help your fellow '00 mate, who is..". Jaemin clears his throat, in the most dramatic way, making you think he had bronchitis, "CURRENTLY STUCK IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND SURROUNDED BY DIRTY SEWAGE WATER".

 

"Oh shit, forgot" smiled Jeno, sounding dumbfounded. While Jaemin is muttering a satanic chant under his breath, Jeno is struggling to pull his 60kg lanky body, from the hole.

 

"MY RIBS!" Jaemin winced, as his ribs met the hard concrete. 'Why did my ass jump in a hole?' thought the younger as he is pulled. Jeno probably looked like a maniac in his school uniform screaming to the hole that apparently also has a pair of hands.

 

"Oh, shit" Jeno whispered as he dropped Jaemin further into the hole when he heard the sirens of the police. He grabbed his and the younger's bag and screamed back at him while running off, "See you at home!".

 

"Jeno-hyung.... Jeno??JENO!! THAT LIMP BITCH " screamed Jaemin. In the hole. In the sewage. In the ground.

 

-

[private chat with **ku(wu)n** (xiao.fei96) and **mork** (marqué99)]

18:19

 

 **ku(wu)n** : Hello Minhyung ! I have two questions to ask, if it's okay.

 

 **mork:** sure hyung and call me mark :)

 

 **ku(wu)n:** Okay ! Well, on with the questions:

  1. Why am I, Jaemin's emergency contact, instead of his parents? and 2. Why is he at the police station?



 

 **mork:** fuqq

 

-

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

18:21

 

 **mork:** jeno, u IMBECILE.

 

 **lele:** ohHhHh punctuation but no grammar

 

 **nono:** wHAT

 

 **mork:** you left jaemin in the HOLE for about 4 hours

 

 **sun:** HHJKKGJKKSSJSJ

 

 **injun:** sacrificed to the sewage gods !

 

 **nono:** um 4 hours is a bit of a stretch maybe only 2.5 to 3 hours???

 

 **mork:** my GOD,, well anyway kun is picking him up so since his parents are away and you are meant to be taking CARE of him, prepare your bed for him and make him something to eat or whatever.

 

 **nono:** what am i? his maid??

 

 **mork:** my GOD

 

 **yellow:** shame, poor bby

 

 **sun:** i thought i was your bby :(

 

 **yellow:** did you get stuck in a hole?? exactly :)

 

 **nana:** Hi! This Kun! I picked up Jaemin and I'm now bringing him to Jeno's house.

 

 **lele:** kun ge!!!!!!!

 

 **injun:** kun ge!!!!!

 

 **nana:** Ah- Hello, Chenle and Renjun ! How have you been with school?

 

 **injun:** Good!

 

 **nana:** Well, I think Jaemin wants his phone back so bye !

 

 **pwak:** bye bye!!

 

 **nana:** u WASTE OF OXYGEN, NITROGEN AND OTHER SHIT IN THE AIR. I AM NOW A CRIPPLE MY LUNGS AND RIBS ACHE. HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME IN A HOLE, NOW I SMELL LIKE SEWAGE AND I WAS SCOLDED BY SOME RANDOM OFFICER AND DONGYOUNG HYUNG. YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS WITH YOUR LIFE, THE BLOOD OF A VIRGIN AND YOUR 3DS.

 

 **nono:** 1\. um you aren't coming in the house smelling like SEWAGE

  1. a cripple like, jaehyun hyung?
  2. shame scolded by dongyoung hyung, tragic
  3. not the 3ds, you binch



 

 **lele:** he for sears doesn't care huh...

 

 **sun:** lol what about jaehyun?

 

 **injun:** remember summer 2014? exactly.

 

 **nana:** IM GOING TO MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP

 

 **nono:** no thanks, stinky

 

 **sun:** when did boring old jeno become so ruthless ! oh my !

 

 **injun:** _Every day, we stray further away from God's light as we are drawn closer into the Devil's grasp of solitude and wrath, and you measly humans are the cause of this tragedy and now we are doomed for forever!_ FOOLS

 

 **yellow:** pardon???

 

 **lele:** he said goodnight uwu :)

 

 **nana:** ANYWAY JENO, YOU BEST BE READY TO FIGHT ME NOW

 

 **nono:** its dark tho :(

 

 **nana:** Ok stop this foolery, Jeno-ah, apologise to Jaemin and make him food, prepare new clothes and give him your bed. I'll consider lying to your parents about this mess - Doyoung

 

 **nono:** Ok hyung.

 

 **lele:** Ha! The fool has been shut down !

 

 **sun:** inferiority complex at its finest

 

 **mork:** do you even know what that means?

 

 **sun:** do you?

 

 **mork:** touché

 

 **nana:** just because im getting the love i DESERVE, doesn't mean you're safe jeno hyung, the weakest will eventually die off and only the strong will remain. Goodnight, my fellow classmates. A new day will prevail [in japanese].

 

 **sun:** wow ! i hate this !

 

-

"What happened?" questioned the worried parents of Jeno from the door.

 

"Jaemin-ah, was playing football with us and our friends and unfortunately slipped in the mud, haha" scratched Dongyoung while nervously laughing beside a smiling Kun. He doesn't get paid enough for this.

 

-

[private chat with **charlie** (ddyoung.96) and **nono** (milkboy.00)]

 

 **charlie:** Invoice: A meal at an average priced place, a new coffee mug and a Miniso voucher.

 

 **nono:** Deal.

 

-

 

"Just so you know, I'm actually sorry about what happened" Jeno looked at Jaemin at the foot of his bed. _Damn! I can smell the stench from here._

 

"I know, and thank you" Jaemin responded muffled from blankets and pillows. "And just so YOU know, you owe me as well in food for a week at least and also bring Dal-ie, pwease" pouted the younger.

 

"Fine" cringed and grunted the older, carrying his cat and sneezing constantly. _Fuck there's cat hair everywhere.......... hmph, oh well._

 

Jeno finally rested on the spare mattress, his mother helped him set up while sneezing into the night.

 

-

 

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

00:36

 

 **nono:** update: currently jaemin is in MY bed, with MY clothes and with MY baby (Dal-ie) (that im allergic too) as stinky as he is.

 

 **sun:** go to SLEEP!

 

 **yellow:** are we going to ignore the fact chenle mistook french for spanish.

 

 **lele:** si papi

 

 **mork:** EXIT.

 

-

 

 


	2. *sfx of apeshit*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know! i dont know what i doing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usernames are the same as usual, there isnt a lot of texting more real life interaction and all that good stuff! this is more of a filler for part. 2 of this chapter but oh boy! just get ready for the foolery that is going to unfold. imma start recommending songs because i need yall to hear what im hearing, you guys can do the same in the comments. btw this is a part. 1 of a two parter so ye!  
> -  
> mark: mork (marqué99)  
> renjun: injun (moonmin00)  
> jeno: nono (milky.boy00)  
> donghyuck: sun (fullsun00)  
> jaemin: nana (baby00)  
> chenle: lele (dolphin01)  
> jisung: pwak (b-king02)  
> lucas: yellow (bonjour99)

"Chenle still does recitals?" Mark shifted in the back seat, trying to make space for his legs. This car was way too small for all 9 of them. 

 

It was originally just the 7 of them, but since Jaehyun couldn't borrow his roomate car since he "accidentally" drove it into a ditch, one Sunday morning. Him and Jungwoo, who was currentely sleeping after dealing midterms and practice papers, had to ride with them instead.

 

"Of course he does, Chenle will always remain a musical genius" said Renjun, with no emotions whatsoever. 

 

"Can I get out of the boot?" asked Jisung, who was currently squished in the boot with Jaemin. 

 

"Lol, hell no, I comfortable in the front" Jeno grinned in the passenger seat next to Lucas, who was dodging the garbage bins in the street. Donghyuck was barely making it through this entire ride.

 

"God, Lucas, where did you learn how to drive? From your grandma?" he screamed, while holding on to dear life. 

 

"Actually, yes" said Lucas with a monotone , as he almost hit an old granny walking down the street. As the others were praying to their gods and were trying to not get whiplash, everytime Lucas abruptly stops car, after seeing a stray cat.

 

"So you stop for the stray cats, but you almost hit the old granny, for shame" scoffed Jaemin from the boot. "Also why am I in the backseat? Surrounded by all your heavy ass sleeping bags, that are currently twisting, popping and cracking by back in half, I am literally CRIPPLED, this is making it WORSE"

 

"Hey, can you put up the volume" asked Renjun, just to spite Jaemin. Lucas put the volume up to max as Missy Elliott’s We Run This filled the car.

 

"Chenle is so lucky that we are getting dinner after this or I wouldn't have pitched" Donghyuck tried to move out of his extremely uncomfortable spot while rolling his eyes, out of annoyance.

 

"Truck" pointed out Jisung with a dead panned expression, as they slowly approached the post office truck.

 

-

Barely making it, everyone fled the car as quickly as possible. Jaemin stepping out of the boot like a 94 year old lady, on life support and Jungwoo constantly stretching and yawning from his well deserved nap.

 

"Hey guys !" Johnny waved at the crowd of the younger students, while handing out flyers to the crowd "Chenle is going to start performing soon!" Johnny then pointed to old auditorium.  _ They seriously need to repaint it. It looks sadder than usual. _

 

-

"I can't fucking believe this..." whispered Johnny as he scratched the bridge of his nose. _ Out of all songs.... THIS one _ . He was sitting next to Ten, who was hyping up Chenle by twerking to the piano version of APESHIT by Beyoncé, that Chenle was performing. 

 

"YESS, CHENLE GET IT!" screamed Donghyuck in unison with Ten's dancing. Don't get Johnny wrong, he was hype with the crowd and he was extremely proud of Chenle. He was just. Suprised.

 

Yuta was recording the whole performance with Sicheng's iPhone X since he broke his phone by trying to cool it down in the freezer. Instead he has to use a Nokia flip phone from 2006. As the performance was ending, the crowd erupted with screams and cheers, mainly from Donghyuck and Ten. 

 

Chenle then silenced the crowd. "I would like to welcome on stage, my hyung, Taeyong". Clapping was heard, until Lucas screamed "AY TY TRACK" , receiving a painful glare from Taeyong.

 

As Chenle played the first, Johnny instantly recognized the song. He muttered a small "Oh no" under his breath, as Taeyong started rapping, not too bad but also not great.  _ Should've just asked Mark. _

 

The '00 line hyped him up until...

 

"BEFORE YOU LOCK MY LOVE AWAY" screamed Chenle continuously while playing passionately on the piano with Taeyong rapping, only running on a Red Bull and a paycheck.

 

_ Who showed Chenle, Common's Be album? _

 

-

 

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

14:56

 

**sun:** Chenle, I know this and I love you, but what was that.....

 

**lele:** A performance from a lyrical prophet, when you hear my name, you are blessed and humble. You're welcome.

 

**injun:** KSJSHSKKS

 

**mork:** well it was really good when you were performing APESHIT.... but why didn't you ask me to do the rap you know??

 

**lele:** _I would've and I should've but I didn't_

 

**nono:** well alrighty

 

**yellow:** as much as i love to rank on mark as the next person. we need to get moving if we wanna make it chenle's family dinner.

 

**nana:** k met u at the car

 

-

 

"Why in hell, does Chenle, Yuta, Johnny and Ten have to ride with us now?" scoffed Donghyuck, who is now in the boot with his fellow mates. 

 

"At least Jaehyun and Jungwoo moved to another car or this would've have been insufferable" Jeno tried to make space in the boot by moving to the side but nothing worked. Karma

 

"Can you like speed up? My ass is getting real itchy and I need to scratch" said Chenle, receiving multiple groans of disgust from his friends. 

 

"Why is Lucas still driving? Haven't we agreed that he is a national public health hazard and needs to be punished?" questioned Renjun, while the chips out of Jungwoo's bag that he left.  _ I'll return it, the next time I see him. _

 

"Fine, then you can drive" Lucas turned his head to glare at Renjun, while taking his hands off the steering wheel.

 

"LUCAS!" Mark yelled while catching the wheel and holding it till Lucas stopped his staring match with Renjun.

 

Johnny was still shocked from Chenle's performance he couldn't even process the chaos in this car. Meanwhile, Yuta and Ten were fighting Renjun for the packet of chips causing a huge mess in the car and Chenle was screaming at Donghyuck about the importance on drawing up a proper budget. The car came to a sudden.

 

"Oh what the fuck, is going on now?" Ten sighed while Lucas shrugged in response.

 

Mark pointed at the flashing red light by the wheel. "No petrol."

 

Everyone was tired

 

"Pardon, couldn't hear you, we are still in the boot."

 

-

As everyone stepped out the car stretching and finally getting some fresh air, Johnny took this opportunity to take a well deserved nap from all the events of today. _ He seriously needs it.  _

 

"Well, what do we do now?" asked Mark who was leaning the window of the car while calling someone more responsible than everyone one in this car.  Probably Taeyong.

 

"We push the car to my house with our Soviet might" responded Chenle with surprising enthusiasm for a situation like THIS.

 

"Umm... Or we call the insurance on this car to pick us up and whatever" Ten shoved more chips up his mouth, while fending off Renjun and Yuta.

 

"About that, I don't think this car has insurance at all, now that I think of it." Everyone lost hope, at those exact words.

 

"We are doomed" sang Donghyuck in the most unnecessarily extra way possible, completely ruining the atmosphere.

 

"We need the strong men of this group to step up and push this car all the way to Chenle's home with their Soviet might" Jaemin mimicked Chenle while exaggerating his words. The group started lightinging up as jokes were shared.

 

"Guys, shhhn, I'm calling Taeyong" Mark pointed to the phone, while talking. Everyone became quiet, while attempting to hear some of the conversation. Mark hung up and put his phone away in his pockets. He sighed

 

"Apparently, the dinner has started and Taeyong is currently drunk and so is everyone else, so Selugi noona picked up the phone, laughed at us and told us to push the car home" 

 

-

 

"Huh, we are here already?" Johnny scratched his eyes while yawning. Everyone was exhausted and fed up, after pushing a car for about an hour, luckily until a tow truck helped them, the entire way, for a payment of dinner.

 

"So you're telling me while we were pushing this heavy ass vehicle through Chenle's rich ass neighbourhood with our Soviet might, while Mr. Fucking Strong Seo was taking a young nap" Ten shouted as he was trying to beat the shit out of the taller boy.

 

"So that's where he went, I thought he just said 'fuck it' and left" Donghyuck inserted in. 

 

-

 

As the flock of sleep deprived boys and the tow truck driver (who never told them his name) tried to enter in the house, it was dead silent.

 

"They must be praying or something" said Mark, who was at the front trying to quiet the crowd down. They were quietly creeping through the door until Jisung and his limp limbs fell, face first, on to the ground.

 

"SHIT!" It cut through the room like a bullet.

 

-

Luckily, since Chenle's mom was in another room at the moment, Jisung didn't get his ass beat for profanity. Instead he just got some cold glares from everyone else and some giggles from his drunk hyungs

 

The group separated from each other and went to greet others. From here, the night was great, especially with Kun and Soonyoung's drunk karoke to the Hwarang soundtrack and Jungwoo's sudden burst of energy. All great until midnight.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall probably dont want this,but here you go! song recommendation: magnet (feat. olltii) by jenyer (jeon ji yoon). she is an ex-memeber of 4minute and i love her with all my heart, you guys should check out her other songs too! disclaimer: most of my songs are going to be korean rnb or indie songs but i will mix it up often!   
> \-   
> please support my babies, wayv!


	3. johnny and the 8 stages of hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stream feel the v and see the v!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> public service announcement: i dont hate any nct memeber, in fact i love EVERY single one of them, thats why im writing this fic. yeah so this is a johnny centric chapter, so let’s get it!  
> -  
> mark: mork (marqué99)  
> renjun: injun (moonmin00)  
> jeno: nono (milky.boy00)  
> donghyuck: sun (fullsun00)  
> jaemin: nana (baby00)  
> chenle: lele (dolphin01)  
> jisung: pwak (b-king02)  
> lucas: yellow (bonjour99)

"Thank you" whispered Chenle's mother drunkenly to Johnny, while she was dragged by her friends.  _ What _ . At this time, everyone was leaving and heading home, so why is Chenle's mother leaving as well?

 

As perplexed as Johnny was, he headed to where the youngers were having their "sleepover spectacular" as Chenle phrased it. 

 

"Hey Chenle, why is your mother leaving and why did she say 'thank you'?" questioned Johnny. "Yeah... whoops, forgot to tell you, um but you are watching over us lol" answered Chenle in his red onesie, while hitting Jisung with his pillow.

 

This was going to be a long night.

 

-

"Anything you say or do, will be held against you in the law of the court" Renjun held a plastic machete to Jisung, who was trying to eat Renjun's specially imported hamburger flavoured chips. He loved them so much. In fact too much

 

"Can you like stop, hitting me?" Jisung was getting whacked by Renjun with the machete and a pillow, an extremely hard one, while Jeno was setting up the money for Monopoly. In response, Renjun stared at Jisung.

 

"Will you stop eating MY chips?" putting extra emphasis on the 'my'. Jisung squeezed out a 'no' while being held in a chokehold. " _ Then perish, you waste of air and vital essentials for the survival of humans _ ."

 

"Alright losers, we are going to start playing soon. So to the losers in the kitchen, can yall like hurry up?" announced Jaemim, standing on one of Chenle's antique chair, with his stinky feet. 

 

"The fuck you say?" screeched Donghyuck as he entered the living room with a face mask and headband while holding a spatula. While Mark was trying to hold Donghyuck back from catapulting himself at Jaemin, Johnny was still searching for snacks.  _ Cheetos or Pringles? Fuck it both.  _

 

He soon started to deter from the task of finding snacks for 7 hormonal boys and headed towards the bedrooms. They were unnecessarily decorated with all types of antiques. He started to open Mrs. Zhong's suite (Chenle forced him to say that, since they don't sleep in regular bedrooms like peasants. His exact words), the room was coloured with a plain but elegant beige with gold and brown colour scheme. The bed looked extremely comfortable while a sleepy drunk Lucas slept soundly. Wait, Lucas?

 

"Hey! Hey! Lucas! Wake up!" Johnny whispered while shaking the younger boy from his slumber. 

 

" _ Papa, are you here? I was waiting at the train station but you never came. I'm tired. Do you want to eat some dumplings, I made them. I also learnt about the duality of men, Johnny-ge taught me. I learnt well. One day, we will both live in America, the land of the free, as wealthy caucasians _ " mumbled Lucas, while rolling over. Johnny was surprised at how Lucas said his name.  _ How does he know better Mandarin when he is half-asleep? _ . "Oh Johnny dude, hey man!" There it is, the barely functional Lucas we all know. "Lol, where's everyone" 

 

"Um...., everyone left already" answered Johnny, he stood at the foot of the bed looking at the younger, who was covered in salivas and was somehow wearing Chenle's gucci slippers. Johnny received a quiet but strong 'Fuck!' from Lucas. "I was meant to leave with Jungwoo"

 

Johnny just stared at the stressed Lucas, in his natural habitat (not really), frantically calling Jungwoo to say that he is okay and not stuck in a ditch, like Johnny. American Johnny was wild.

 

"Hey Johnny, what are you doing in my mother's suite lol?...... TAKE MY GUCCI FLIP FLOPS OFF NOW, YOU TROGLODYTE." scremed Chenle as he flew at the yawning Lucas.

 

-

 

"So let the games begin" Chenle grinned as he entered the living room with his gucci flip flops, as if he owns two ranches and runs a gambling business, with Johnny, who is carrying a mountain of snacks and a beaten and broken Lucas. 

 

"Wait, is Lucas playing? Do I have to count another stack of money." asked Jeno, who had a face mask that smelled like milk, for some reason.  _ Really living up to his nickname huh? _ . Jeno grunted while receiving a nod from Lucas.

 

"The 9 of us, huh. The gates of hell will surely open up." remarked Mark as Jisung hyped up his hyung by laughing like a mad man. 

 

"What do you mean? The gates of hell have already opened up, especially with the Destiny Child plus LaToya of hell sitting with us right now?" Jeno responded, receiving an applause from Donghyuck.  _ He doesn't know that he is ALSO apart of it, wait, if it's Destiny Child, who's the Michelle? Probably Renjun. Shame. _

 

"Fuck, the cards are in Mandarin."

 

-

The group started enthusiastically. People were buying everything, going to jail and being poor. Unfortunately, for Lucas, he became bankrupt, surprisingly very quickly, as he landed on the most expensive neighbourhood, leaving him with only $1 notes (whatever the currency in Monopoly is).

 

Of course, Chenle won the game as he was taxing everyone, he even named his own monopoly. _ Zhong Enterprises SBH! _ , the 'SBH' being an acronym for _ Stay Broke Hoe! _ . Whereas Jeno had to mortgage half of his property to pay tax from Chenle. The duality of this game.

 

"Alright, since that game went horribly wrong for all of us, let's play hide & seek. We can at least win of the rounds since Chenle is a limp bean." Donghyuck announced to the worn out but energetic crowd. As Chenle threw his cucumber at Donghyuck, everyone began to pick who was going to be the seeker.

 

"How about the winner of the game?" Johnny turned to Chenle, who was currently sitting on top of a fidgeting Donghyuck while eating his cucumber. 

 

"How about no? Why doesn't the man who got bankrupt in the first 30 minutes of game by being fooled by Jaemin's scam, goes first, you know?" Chenle suggested while judging Lucas as he was still eating his cucumber. 

 

"Fine, but I'm going to beat Chenle's scrawny ass with my Soviet might." Lucas then started counting in the dining room, decked with extremely quality furniture that screamed 'luxury'.  _ Chenle really has the bag _ . "Alright, 1......2......3" 

 

Everyone 'skrrted' out of the living room while bumping into each other and acting like fools. Johnny was trying to fit his long ass into one of the cupboards in Chenle's room, until the lights turned off and laughing erupted through the mansion. 

 

"HA HA BOYSS, WE GON PLAY THIS GAME REAL DEMON STYLE, DREAMIES AC, AFTER CHENLE, DING DING!" screamed Jaemin, from wherever he is.  _ He watched too much Black Ink Crew New York for an 18 year old korean boy, also where did he find the power switch. _

 

"Ready or not! Here I come!"

 

"Hey! Doesn't AC mean air conditioning!"

 

-

Johnny was still trying to fit his ass into the cupboard at this point, his leg was behind his back. He felt like Taeil after a glass of vodka. Broken. 

 

While trying to move further into the cupboard, he heared heavy breathing. Johnny poked his head out of the cupboard and looked around until he saw it. Jisung sprawled out on top of the wardrobe. Just there. With the spiders. Jisung mouthed a little help, as the wardrobe was continously shaking.

 

Johnny tried so hard, not to laugh at the desperate boy in need. Instead, he just stared at him, well what was he meant to do? But he could hear someone was also snickering, he looked further and saw Renjun underneath the bed, poking his head out to blatantly laugh at the boy. As they noticed each other, a noise was heard.  _ Probably from Lucas _ . 

 

Johnny hid further into the cupboard, whereas Renjun left his spot underneath the bed and headed to the door. As the door was opened, Renjun booked it and ran out as fast as he could before Lucas could properly see who it was. Then suddenly, Jisung fell from the wardrobe and surprisingly landed on his feet and tried to fight Lucas but gave up and ended up ducking and diving between Lucas' arms and legs. Leaving Johnny. Alone

 

"Um.... ha ha, I guess I give up since you technically found me. So can you pull me out of here?"

 

-

Johnny was now searching the house with Lucas, mostly walking behind him as he busts through doors to catch anyone. As Johnny was getting tired and was about to sleep in the middle of the bathroom. He saw something. He saw Donghyuck in the bathtub, laying there as dead as a mouse. He had to restraint himself from laughing and blowing Donghyuck's cover. 

 

"Ay, Johnny? Where did you go?" Lucas approached the bathroom quietly. "I'm just about to pee, you know..... bro" answered Johnny, while looking at Donghyuck mouthing 'What the fuck?' at him. "Well alright lol" replied Lucas, as his voice became more distant.

 

Johnny then looked out the door to see if the coast was clear and then turned to Johnny and tried to say 'I will help you' with his body.

 

Donghyuck then took out his phone and typed something. Johnny felt his phone buzz

 

\- 

 

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

23:29

 

[ **sun** kicked  **yellow** out of the chat!]

 

[ **sun** added  **john** (john.the.baptist.95) to the chat!]

 

**sun:** chill with the sign language, im not deaf

**sun:** plus you should probably turn off your phone in case :)

 

**injun:** what in the hell you losers doing

 

**john:** where in the hell did YOU go!

 

**injun:** i will not reveal any confidential information without the presence of my lawyer

 

**sun:** anyway imma win this game so toodle loo!

 

**nana:** thats not even how it's spelt..... in fact i don't know how it is spelt.

 

-

 

Donghyuck reached his hand out to Johnny so he could pull him out of the bathtub. Johnny accidentally dropped him back into the tub causing Donghyuck to let out an excruciatingly loud scream. In order to protect his innocence, Johnny put his hand over Donghyuck's mouth, as a single tear fell from his golden face.

 

"My ass....." Donghyuck whispered as Johnny removed his hand over his mouth. Johnny quickly ushered Donghyuck out the bathroom. 

 

"Johnny.... What the hell was that?" Lucas slowly appeared from one of the rooms, luckily after Donghyuck left. "Oh I just fell really REALLY hard, you know..... bro" lied Johnny as he flushed the toilet for effect.

 

"....Okay!"

 

-

 

With Jisung being trapped on top of the wardrobe to Donghyuck pounding his ass into the bathtub, Johnny was tired but somehow only Jaemin was found, because he was trying to get a snack.

 

Johnny had stop following Lucas and just started walking on his own. He went into the rooms, to look at the belongings of the owners.

 

"AHHHHHH" 

 

Johnny quickly left one of the rooms, to see Chenle being chased by Lucas while Jaemin laughed at him. Johnny then followed the three. Chenle was turning and twisting while at the same time, still screaming at the same pitch.  _ Like a true musical genius _ . Soon, Chenle accidentally slid too fast and fell on the cold marble floor of the lounge. Lucas then caught up and held him as if he was being arrested. 

 

"I WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WASN'T FOR JAEMIN" Chenle tried to fight Jaemin as Lucas held him and Jaemin just blew a kiss at the struggling boy.  _ These kids are something else _ .

 

-

During this whole fiasco of a game, Johnny hasn't heard or seen Jeno.  _ His competitive spirit must have kicked in _ . Chenle was pissed the whole time. He went and changed into his gown while still wearing his gucci slippers while carrying a wine glass filled with Coke, just to show his pettiness.

 

After a while, Donghyuck and Renjun were found as Renjun tried to toss Donghyuck towards Lucas, unfortunately causing both of them to be caught. Johnny only saw Jisung running from room to room, he didn't even bother telling Lucas. But soon, while Jisung was running from each room as if he was Bolt, he bumped into Jisung into Lucas and fell over. He was dragged by Jaemin, number #1 employee of the year (appointed by himself).

 

Still Jeno was nowhere to be found.

 

\- 

 

"Okay, where could Jeno be?" The group began to regroup where they started this mess, the living room. Renjun almost screamed when he accidentally stepped on bunch of the Monopoly houses, instead he whispered a loud 'fuck'. 

 

Jeno appeared out of nowhere, scaring the group. "YOU FOOLS, HOW DID YOU NOT FIND ME. IT WAS OBVIOUS" Everyone looked at Jeno and then to each other. Is he okay?

 

"Ok fine I'll do it, where were you hiding ol' mighty Jeno?" sarcastically remarked Jaemin. 

 

"Oh, I wasn't hiding, I didn't have time to hide so I just followed Lucas around."

 

"And you guys call us demons while THE FUCKING SOMALI DEVIL exists, acting as if he is Kai!!?"

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song recommendation: you by leellamarz, it is a cool chill song and ive only listened to it recentely, since it showed up on shuffle. I also recommened his other song ‘senorita’ (feat. myunDo). And one more thing, everyhting in italics is usually the persons’, whose chapter it is, thoughts or in a filler, it is the last person metioned before it. (i really dont know if this makes sense, whoops! the author is an idiot)


	4. ten and the crackhead chronicles of the apollo residential building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you either kill yourself or get killed. plus if there are spelling errors, its because *say it with me yall*, THE AUTHOR CAN'T WRITE. whoop! whoop!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another disclaimer: more groups are coming and it’s gon be messy but dont worry i will help with usernames and stuff! plus i dont hate jungkook, in fact i actually miss the extreme crackhead side of jungkook. miss the lil fella. anyways in this chapter ten stays in the dorms with many crackheads.   
> -  
> this chapter includes jungkook from bts, lisa (lalisa) and rosé (chaeyoung) from blackpink, mingyu from seventeen, selugi and joy (sooyoung) from red velvet and jaehyun from nct. this whole fic is going to be a fic for EVERYONE, but it is mainly nct so ye (but if you want some fillers of stories from the other characters, just ask). yeri from red velvet also appears in this chapter but she doesnt stay in ten’s dorm.  
> -  
> mark: mork (marqué99)  
> renjun: injun (moonmin00)  
> jeno: nono (milky.boy00)  
> donghyuck: sun (fullsun00)  
> jaemin: nana (baby00)  
> chenle: lele (dolphin01)  
> jisung: pwak (b-king02)  
> lucas: yellow (bonjour99)  
> ten: seven (chitts.96)

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

14:00

 

[ **seven** (chitts.96) entered the chat!]

 

**seven:** ok losers entertain me

 

**mork:** wHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP ENTERING THE GC????

 

**nana:** you do know that the gc is on a server that unfortunately every single crackhead we know has access to.

 

**lele:** what do you want, you IMBECILE 

 

**seven:** no need for capital letters, i just want some company :(

 

**sun:** i can't wait till you leave 

 

**seven:** um sorry sweaty i can still text you even if i was in my mothers womb

 

**injun:** um... ok so...... what now?

 

**seven:** ENTERTAINMENT 

 

**nono:** IM SORRY IM NOT YOUR LOCAL FREE SOAPIE

 

**yellow:** what?

 

**nana:** jeno's parents stopped paying for the good channel's so he is stuck with trash channels that just show telenovelas 24/7

 

**seven:** alright, so can we not talk about you, u attention seeking snake?

 

**mork:** why are you bothering us?

 

**seven:** my dorm mates are in class, i have on idea where selugi could be and im bored

 

**lele:** well, i hope you die from boredom

 

**seven:** same i wish i do

 

**lele:** well i gotta go back on the field, coach is asking for me

 

**nana:** to do what? hand out the hockey sticks? give the team water?

 

**lele:** SHUT UP

 

**mork:** tell jisung i say hi!

 

**lele:** because you said that, i aint saying NONE

 

**mork:** bITCH

 

**sun:** back to important matters, can we ignore ten with a better, more interesting topic? like how big a whales penis is?

 

**nono:** now you just have to say that now huh?

 

**injun:** i have an idea. how about we scratch donghyucks stupid ass idea and have ten tell us about his crackheadass dorm mates. 

 

**seven:** good idea, let me take you through memory lane.

 

**nana:** fuck i can hear the flashback memory music with the harp and shit. i can also see the wavy filter 

 

**sun:** the demons are really good at what they do.

 

**seven:** yeah you would know. ANYWAY if yall don't know i sadly live in a dorm with jungkook and jaehyun, sadly, an utter dumbasses.

 

**nana:** my head already hurts and i just read junglecock's name

 

**yellow:** lol why?

 

**nono:** last time we went to help ten clean up his garbage sewer dorm (so he could pay us), junglebook was screaming the whole time as he was playing overwatch

 

**mork:** thats why i made dure that wasnt on the same floor as those crackheads.

 

**seven:** well let me continue. so there i was with barbecue sauce on my tiddies

 

**yellow:** won't they be sticky?

 

**injun:** no it didn't actually happen

 

**sun:** believe it or not, it has

 

**nana:** wow he is really living up to the vine

 

**seven:** lets not talk about my bad decisions but rather my dorms floor bad decisions instead. it all started when i became the R.A in our residential building.

  
  


-

Shit really started when Ten was told he was going to be the R.A the 4th floor of the Apollo residential building. The Apollo residential building was probably the best out of all of the buildings. It wasn't too big and was comfortable; it had a nice common room, with a pretty good kitchen and the dorms weren't splattered with graffiti and someone's 20 year old hot pocket.

 

It would be a nice place to dorm if the campus crackheads didn't live there. Originally Selugi was going to be the R.A but after someone saw Seulgi eating Chaeyoung's specially imported authentic pasta from Amazon while drunk with smeared makeup, some changes were made. 

 

Being an R.A really showed Ten, the duality of people, their best and their worst. Ten was constantly exposed to their worst. Once he saw Selugi leave the dorm, with longer hair than usual accompanied by Yerim, only to come back bunch of hours later, with a quesadilla that looked like it fell on the pavement and her hair ( _ I knew they were extensions _ ) in her other hand mixed with some of the sauce from her messy quesadilla, without a Yerim.

 

"Um.. Selugi, where is Yerim?" asked Ten, as he tried to communicate with the dead female in front of him. Selugi soon regained some of her brain cells as she realised Yerim wasn't with her and bolted out the door barefoot.  _ Wow. She never came back with any shoes, how did I not realise that? No wonder why she didn't become the R.A. _

 

Generally, Seulgi is a straightforward person but no one really knows why she is still living in the dorms as she graduated a long time and even has a job? Apparently, according to Yerim.

 

Well being an R.A has given him some benefits as he is able to steal other people's food from the common room in the middle of the night. But otherwise he would rather let Chenle tattoo a picture of himself on his balls.

 

-

"AYY, CHITTABITCH!" screamed Lalisa as she ate Jungkook's 'supposedly' stolen breadsticks while fending them off from Minghao, who was also trying to eat some.

 

"Y'all do know that those are Jungkook's ? And if he sees you guys snacking on them, he WILL castrate you both." answered Ten who was trying to grab the pretzels HE bought but Mingyu thought it would be a good idea to push them further back into the the already tall enough cupboard.  _ Fuck, I hate tall people _ .

 

"Yes matey, arrr. Wait shit wrong accent or whatever." replied Minghao, in a lowkey sarcastic tone. You can never tell with him. "Anyway, Jumanji should've thought twice about not dropping off my laundry to the laundromat last Thursday and instead putting them next to Theatre, where sweaty tired broke college peasants roam around. I was only left with half a shirt and two socks, they took my Gucci shirt" scoffed Minghao while sharing the breadsticks. 

 

"You mean the fake one which you asked Jungwoo to print out for you?" questioned Lalisa with her mouth filled with crushed breadsticks. Minghao hit her on the head causing half of the breadsticks to fall out of her mouth as she choked on the rest.

 

While the younger tried to hold back her demons from unleashing her fury upon the almost scrawny Chinese boy, she instead stopped herself from dying. "Well anyway, goodbye losers, unlike like you, I enjoy passing my classes." announced Lalisa in her usual triumphant mood. 

 

"Oh Boo hoo" remarked Minghao as he finished the breadsticks. Receiving a distant yet loud 'SUCK MY 78% ON MY ART HISTORY PAPER, MY PAPAYA AND MY BREADSTICK', the whole campus could probably hear that. The funny thing is that Lalisa actually just has a papaya in the fridge, for no reason.

 

"So no one is going to clean up that." Ten said himself as he pointed to the mix of saliva and breadsticks on the counter. He still couldn't reach the pretzels.  _ Fuck short people lives huh? _

 

-

 

Ten luckily didn't have classes that day, so he instead carried on with his usual routine. Go out running. Go to a café and work on an essay Professor Williams probably decided to give them last minute, about the unnecessary themes, the author decided to include in their incredibly long novel.

 

After facing the devil for the 7th time this semester, he finally headed back to his dorm. He passed the common room and politely greeted the people who were occupying it. He headed to his room with checking if his roommate was home and he decided to take a nap.

 

After a while, he heard a soft knock but due to his soft hearing, he woke up immediately and headed to the door. He opened it to see, an equally tired Chaeyoung holding her packet of half empty pasta in Ten's face.

 

"No pasta. What am I meant to do with THIS?" softly but screamed Chaeyoung as she acted as if she was an angry white mom who had demanded to see the manager. 

 

"I don't know, eat it" Ten scratched his head as he checked the time on his phone.  _ 17:03. Way too early for this nonsense. Or was it too late? _ As Chaeyoung stomped throughout the hallway to the next room to interrogate the next unfortunate victim to Chaeyoung's rampage. 

 

Jaehyun was returning from class, but he did witness about half of the headassery that just happened. As he entered the dorm, he asked Ten. 

 

"Doesn't she not remembering eating half of the packet with Ashley in the middle of night with ketchup."

 

That explains a lot know.

 

-

 

"Hey Ten, can I ask you a favour?" Mingyu ran up to Ten, who was walking through the door to the building. 

 

"Sure, why not?" Ten pulled his fakest smile, he knew he was going to ask him for a stupid favour and he best be ready. 

 

"Well, I baked a cake for my class, for an assessment at one of my friend's dorm but what ended up happening, is that there was no assessment so I came with a cake and ended up looking like a fool. Can you like tell the other people to like not eat it? I would like to have it as my own midnight snack." explained Mingyu. Ten had already lost his extra supply of brain cells and was left with only a few crushed and broken dreams.

 

"Sure, umm Mingyu, can you like stop putting stuff in the tallest cabinet, especially stuff I buy!" shouted Ten while Mingyu ran back through the door.

 

-

 

Ten finally finished the stupid study guide, that Professor Douma forced them to complete. As he was about to print it out, he glanced at the clock. _ 23:05. Shit, I should lock up now _ . Ten quickly ran to the first floor to lock the door. But as he was going back to his dorm, he saw something.

 

A light peering from the common room.  _ Oh what fuck is going on now. _

 

As he entered the common room, he saw Sooyoung, in her chicken slippers, precisely measuring Mingyu's cake with a ruler, she probably stole from the maths department. She then started cutting the bottom of the cake before she noticed Ten staring at her, with utter disbelief, she then quietly started to put down the cake and put her hands up as she was getting arrested.

 

"The fuck are you doing?" Ten whispered to sneaky 22 year old, who looked on edge but at the same time, extremely calm.

 

"Just getting a midnight snack, you know?" replied Sooyoung as she continued to cut the cake in the most crackhead way possible. Ten walked closer to crime scene until Sooyoung suddenly pointed the knife at the boy. Ten let out a shriek in surprise.

 

"If you tell Mingyu, I will not cut a piece out for you." threatened Sooyoung with a raspy voice. Ten felt like he was breaking poor Mingyu's heart. _ Oh well. _

 

"Fine, I also want some cake though." replied Ten who was hoping to get some icing as well. 

 

"Deal, we meet at every Wednesday until this cake is gone" They shook hands on this.

 

-

 

Throughout the week, Sooyoung kept on staring at Ten as if she was apart of the CSI or the Mafia. They met up at Wednesday as planned to take some more cake. Sooyoung continued measuring the cake, in case.

 

It went on weeks before any entirely noticeable changes were made. Sooyoung soon decided to cut the middle out and squish the two pieces together so it would still look like a cake. At this point, everyone noticed the cake's decrease in size and became very suspicious of each other. Until one fateful day.

 

-

 

"Okay, we all know what is happening now? Who in the hell is eating the cake without Mingyu noticing" Everyone sat in the room, all looking at each other as if a murder was in room.

 

Ten nervously looked at Sooyoung and gave her a 'They are about to find out it was us and we are going to be toasted on a stick' expression. Sooyoung instead stared at Ten and gave him a 'Shut up, you wimp. If you fall, I fall' and a 'Don't you dare snitch' expression. Before they could finish this intense staring competition. Mingyu let out a cry.

 

"Ok, fine fine. It was me. I was eating the cake. I just couldn't resist it anymore."

 

"Pardon?"

 

-

 

Chaeyoung ended up buying some pizza, for compensation for Mingyu's cake that he thought he had eaten. It was a win win situation.

 

-

[ **chat** : obama means family (8)]

15:18

 

**seven:** and that is how intense Sooyoung can get

 

**sun:** im fucking terrified

 

**injun:** o wow tell us more

 

**nana:** yes! i want some more, sir!

 

**nono:** ew

 

**nana:** how did you interpret that badly?

 

**nono:** im not going to explain myself

 

**seven:** well sorry kids that's all there is for today. i must set out to quickly steal chaeyoungs pasta and jungkooks breadsticks. i want to recreate olive garden 

 

**yellow:** you thief

 

**pwak:** the FUCK im meant to read all of that?

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall i dont even stan bts the way i did before, but definitely listen to jimin’s promise since it is a geniunely good song.   
> -  
> song recommendation: terminal by shaun, BRUH ive been listening to his songs all day, i initially discovered him when he was indirectly involved (his company) with a scandal of ‘apparently’ hacking into the system???? because his song ’way back home’ were getting a higher ranking than twice so once’s went HAM on the guy. but long story short, he has the bag and is famous so he isnt just a ‘nobody’, he has actually produced songs for many famous people as well such as bts. just listen to the discography of this talented man.


	5. doyoung’s nightmare christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these are probably too long, like jojo siwa's ponytail, but hey! whos complaining. thanks for the people checking this crackheadassery out, thanks! i appreciate it!  
> -  
> so my demon self is decided to do a double update cause i dont have school at the moment but thats gonna change real soon!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! im back with another chapter but sadly :( its a bit short so maybe there will be a part 2 to this later on. so in this mess of a chapter doyoung dorms with kun from NCT, hoshi (soonyoung) and woozi (jihoon) from SEVENTEEN, somin and jiwoo from KARD and other people, but they dont appear in this chapter.  
> -  
> also btw the timeline is based in 2018 since i started writing it then and it is scattered so nothing happens in chronological order. you know the whole ‘inkigayo sandwiches’, i lowkey want to make a fic about it so ye tell me if yall want that! jisoo from BLACKPINK, matthew from KARD and ashley from Ladies’ Code make appearances in this chapter.  
> -  
> kun: ku(wu)n (xiao.fei.96)  
> doyoung: charlie (ddyoung.96)  
> hoshi: star (soon.96)  
> woozi: lil ball of fury (jijiji.96)  
> somin: sam (somin.96)  
> jiwoo: woo woo the fool (joker.96)

[ **chat:** lets get this stolen bread! (9)]

12:09

 

**charlie:** guys im going shopping tomorrow, what the fuck do yall want for christmas?

 

**lil ball of fury:** its the day before christmas eve, u disorganized fool

 

**woo woo the fool:** a nintendo switch

 

**charlie:** cancelled 

 

**woo woo the fool:** fine, bitch

 

**star:** i just want more butter for my toast

 

**lil ball of fury:** he's been staring at his toast, for 2 hours. he tried using mayonnaise but it ended up ruining his toast

 

**ku(wu)n:** By the way, who's mayonnaise is that? All of a sudden there was an excessive amount of mayonnaise in the fridge. 

 

**sam:** lol soz i was going to make bunch of chicken mayo sandwiches for my friends at thanksgiving but i ended up forgetting

 

**woo woo the fool:** well hope you don't mind me and soonyoung throwing it at random college students 

 

**sam:** nah :) it's christmas, go wild 

 

**charlie:** why are you promoting these demons?

 

**sam:** we are all going to die, you either kill yourself or get killed.

 

**ku(wu)n:** Well, I would like some christmas cards. It's not for me, I just need some.

 

**sam:** if the offer is still up, buy me some sweet chilli sauce and a family size packet of sweet chilli doritos. im staying at the dorms and i want to be [EQUIPPED.]

 

**star:** i would just like a big bottle of orange juice, pwease

 

**lil ball of fury:** can you buy me a keyboard?

 

**charlie:** hell no

 

**lil ball of fury:** well i had to try

 

**woo woo the fool:** just buy me the biggest cucumber and watermelon, you can find. ill pay you back in rts

 

**charlie:** .... fine, about 57 rts and also the lasagna that you always bring home after christmas

 

**woo woo the fool:** fine, plus that lasagna is made by ashley, matthew's friend. im spending christmas at their place

 

**charlie:** is that it?

 

**ku(wu)n:** What about the others?

 

**charlie:** they should be more active on the gc

 

**sam:** lol how about we buy bread for the dorm, we stole bread from

 

**star:** no the fools shall suffer 

 

-

The next day

 

Doyoung woke up extra early, so he could be in and out of Target. It's Christmas Eve, it was going to be a shitstorm in there. He got ready, as quick as possible, grabbed the trolley bag, his mother forced him to take to university and headed out for a quest.

 

The bus ride to Target isn't extremely long but it isn't short as well. He finally got on the bus, shaking not because of the weather but rather because of the white moms, he was going to have to deal with. He calmed down and decided to listen to some music. He needed a game plan.

 

-

Luckily, not many people were using the buses so Doyoung arrived at the already crowded Target. Everyone was waiting outside as if they were hungry dogs. It was cold, but luckily not snowing. Doyoung somehow shoved his way through the eager crowd, waiting for the doors to open. _ So I'm not the only person who is doing last minute shopping huh? _

 

He tapped his foot, to either relieve his stress or to attempt to warm up from the cold. 

 

"Psst, Doyoung" whispered the lady next to him. Doyoung quickly tried identify the owner of the voice and where they were. 

 

"Jisoo?!?!" replied a surprised Doyoung, while Jisoo shused him. 

 

"Listen now carefully, I have a game plan" she announced while pointing to the doors. Jisoo is very organised, she doesn't play games with anyone. Every man for themselves, as she always quotes. "I can just feel that there is only around 5 packets of coco powder, you probably need that for the Devil's Food Cake, that you posted on Snapchat on the 5th of December, exactly at 15:29. Whereas I need it for my chocolate truffle cake. Moral of the story, we need the cocoa powder." Forget Jisoo not playing games, she is the game

 

"Well, luckily for you, I already a plan. Either me or you will quickly rush to the cocoa powder and take all of them. We continue our shopping frantically and meet up at the wine aisle. If all goes well, I will buy you a box wine to show my gratitude. So are you ready?" Jisoo held out her hand, as if they were making a deal with the devil. Doyoung shook her hand, as he knew he would never survive the wrath of white moms, desperate for some cocoa powder for their chocolate mousses. 

 

"Alright game time then" announced Jisoo as she was putting her airpods in. Doyoung glanced at her phone and saw her open a playlist called 'Game Time 2k18'. 

 

"I can send you the link to the playlist on Spotify"

 

-

_ Cocoa Powder _

_ Sweet Chilli Sauce _

_ Sweet Chilli Doritos  _

_ (Too much sweet chilli.) _

_ Cucumber _

_ Watermelon  _

_ Butter _

_ Christmas cards _

_ And other stuff _

 

Doyoung kept repeating them in his head when waiting for the doors. It felt like hours since he arrived, but they were the most stressful hours of his life after trying to complete an essay in the class it was due for. Finally the doors opened and a rush of adrenaline flowed through his body. 

 

Before he could blink, he saw Jisoo grab a trolley and speed into the Target. But she wasn't heading to the aisle with the cocoa powder. _ Oh fuck, I'm meant to do all of that _ . Doyoung quickly grabbed a trolley as well and ran in to the Target as if he was in the Hunger Games.

 

While Doyoung was ducking and diving between white moms trying to get the last cheesecake. He finally saw the cocoa powder. _ 5 exactly, she is a fucking genius. Forget that she is the Somali Devil _ . As he was about to head over and steal all the cocoa powder, he made eye contact with an eager mother. It felt like an eternity for how long they were staring at each other. Doyoung decided to take initiative and, quickly run to the aisle and steal all the cocoa powder while making a fast U-turn to leave the mother in shambles.  _ 1 to Doyoung and 0 to the mom in the flip flops. _

 

He met up with Jisoo, she awarded him with some box wine and departed to never be seen again. He had to continue his quest alone. Doyoung then grabbed everything he needed and headed to the self-checkout line. He spotted a pink keyboard in the toy aisle. Huh?

 

As he was leaving the store, he saw Jisoo being shouted by a white mom about her excessive amount of cocoa powder. Jisoo just waved at Doyoung and continued shopping. _ She is seriously ruthless. _

 

\- 

[ **private chat** with  **nono** (milkyboy00) and  **charlie** (ddyoung.96)]

 

**charlie:** would you like anything? im just leaving the store.

 

**nono:** nah im okay but i would like 20 chicken nuggets 

 

**charlie:** fine fatass, ill drop them off on my way home

 

**nono:** wHAT YOU SAY!!

 

-

Bonus

 

"How much mayonnaise would you need, to safely land on, after falling down from the third floor of the Zeus residential building, like without breaking back?" asked Jiwoo as she was staring at random college students walking past, while listening to One Shot by B.A.P and eating her cucumber.  _ Disgusting _ thought Doyoung, wearing an extremely tacky and itchy jumper with a rabbit on it he bought from one of Soonyoung's friends, as he was unpacking the groceries.

 

"I don't know maybe 3.75 big scoops. Should we test it or something?" repelied Soonyoung as he was still eating his 1 day old toast that now has more mayonnaise on it. 

 

They both left the dorm with the mayonnaise and the cucumber.  _ Truly disgusting. _

 

Jihoon entered the room after seeing Soonyoung and Jiwoo race out of the room. He then spotted the fluorescent pink keyboard in the counter and chuckled.

 

"You know you didn't need to buy me this?" He pointed at the keyboard. "But hey, Merry Christmas." He left the common room with a smile and his new keyboard. It made Doyoung's heart warm up. Only a bit though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song recommendation: love is a dog from hell by mad clown (ft. suran), the song is so chill and suran’s vocals with mad clown’s rapping are just godly, thank you for listening to my TED talk. and plus the mv is incredible, you should definitely watch it and also check out lie (ft. lee haeri of davichi).


	6. renjun just wants justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive been listening to cats on mars from cowboy bebop on repeat and all i can say is uwu!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! back at it again. lemme just get into it. since i want this to be lowkey realistic, they dont all go the same universities, its just that they share the same residential buildings and etc. this shit dont make SENSE, but hey man! im trying. and also they all dont do music or something to do with arts, they are all just doing their own things and all. one day, i will list all their majors, where they dorm, which subjects they take (or high school) and etc.  
> -  
> jeno from NCT; felix, hyunjin and jisung from Stray Kids; hyunjin and heejin from LOONA all appear in this chapter, so eskeeit!  
> -  
> mark: mork (marqué99)  
> renjun: injun (moonmin00)  
> jeno: nono (milky.boy00)  
> donghyuck: sun (fullsun00)  
> jaemin: nana (baby00)  
> chenle: lele (dolphin01)  
> jisung: pwak (b-king02)  
> lucas: yellow (bonjour99)  
> -  
> felix: chicken (aussie00)  
> hyunjin: princess (jin.00)  
> hyunjin: bread (meowmeow.00)  
> heejin: heekkie (bunny.00)

[ **chat:** chemical compound caretakers (6)]

04:12

 

**chicken:** what do we need to pack for the science lecture??

 

**nono:** it is literally today, how unorganised are you

 

**bread:** um a pencil and eraser??? I dont know??

 

**heekkie:** no, didn't mrs. charles say that we are sleeping in the auditorium

 

**injun:** damn i have to sleep in a stinky ass hall with stinky ass students

 

**bread:** its funny you say thay, because i remember you smelling like oil and hamburgers. what are you american??

 

**nono:** no its the stinky ass chips he is always eating. hamburger flavoured even 

 

**chicken:** absolutely revolting

 

**heekkie:** ignoring renjun's obsession with his stinky chips, probably just bring stuff you would bring for a sleepover and your school bag

 

**chicken:** THANK YOU, someone who is actually helpful

 

**nono:** i can't believe we ignored the fact that we are somehow awake at the booty crack of dawn to talk on this gc

 

**injun:** that doesn't matter, what does matter is that yall are slandering on my chips. you know what FUCK YALL we will see when you guys are starving and begging for my chips and i will say NO and i will report you to states of the states of the united states of america

 

**bread:** alright chief

 

-

Renjun got off his phone and stared at the ceiling.  _ Fuck. Chemistry all day, unbearable. _ He took a quick nap before being woken up by his mom, frantically running around because of her recent cake order. He had already packed his bag, he was just waiting for Jeno to pick him up.

 

_ "Renjun, Jeno's mother is here! Come down and greet." _ Renjun's mother shouted, in Mandarin, from downstairs. Renjun went downstairs to see Jeno's mother, smiling like always and an equally exhausted Jeno next to her, while choking on the Spray and Cook that contaminated the living room.

 

Renjun politely greeted Jeno's mother while she took his bag away from him to put in the boot.  _ She is always so polite _ . "Bye ma" announced Renjun as he exited the door and closes it behind him.

 

"Ready for hell?" Jeno whipped as he held onto the biscuits that Renjun's mother gave them. Renjun snickered as he entered the car.

 

-

They finally arrived at school and said their goodbyes to Jeno's mother as she drove out of the parking lot. They met up with their teacher who greeted them, in way too chirpy mood. Renjun would've rather been at home streaming Sabrina the Teenage Witch but here he was at school attending a Science Camp, his teacher picked him to attend. 

 

They were sharing the Science Camp with another school, just a few blocks down from theirs. The Science Camp had two main topics: Chemistry and Physics. He was doing the Chemistry workshops. 

 

There was about 15 students in the parking lot, but he could already hear Felix and Hyunjin arguing over how many mini sausages they were going to eat. 

 

Hyunjin waved at the two, beckoning them to join. Renjun approached them while Jeno left to sign them both up. 

 

"Hey guys, when are Heejin and male Hyunjin going to arrive? Mrs. Charles looks like she is getting impatient" Renjun tried to steal one of the mini sausages, Hyunjin was holding but she slapped his hand.

 

"Apparently, we are going to be mixed in teams with the students from the other school." Felix announced while tying his shoelaces in a big knot. _ How chaotic evil _ . They continued chatting about the camp and started introducing themselves to the students from the other schools. 

 

"AYYY JISUNG, YOU DIDN'T TELL YOU WERE GOING TO BE HERE." Felix stuck his tongue out as he catapulted himself on top of boy. As the boy tried to get off from the floor, Felix introduced Jisung to Renjun and Hyunjin as his other half. Jisung wasn't amused.

 

"Hi I'm Jisung and I don't attend your school." said the boy while he was holding his thumbs up. Jisung continued to talk to Felix as Jeno finally regrouped with them. As they were about to enter the school, they saw panicked Hyunjin and Heejin running holding their big ass bags as if they were running away from home.

 

"Finally I was wondering when you were going to arrive." Hyunjin checked her watch. 06:43.  _ Way too early for this. _

 

"Sorry I was stopped at Walmart to get some snacks for us." panted Hyunjin as he was trying regain his breath. Everyone cooed in response. _ Look at him trying to be nice. _

 

"Oh lol, I just overslept."

 

-

As they entered the auditorium, it was decked out with posters and bunch of workshop all about SCIENCE. This would be a nerd's dream.

Jeno had already began eating Renjun mother's biscuits. They were greeted by a teacher with an awful wig.

 

"Press ‘F’ to pay respects" whispered Hyunjin as he put his Walmart plastic back in his bag  _ There it is, the regualr mean Hyunjin _ , while Heejin started cackling, earning concerned looks from everyone around her.

 

"Welcome to Science Camp, we are happy to accommodate you guys for this fun-filled weekend with Chemistry and Physics. So let's begin by getting to know everyone and then we can finally start with the program." announced Mrs. Charles from the podium.

 

Renjun and Jeno greeted everyone and talked to them. When they regrouped with each, Renjun pulled out his favourite hamburger flavoured chips. Hyunjin scoffed in response.

 

"I never thought I would see this atrocity in real life." she pointed at the greasy packet. It got more and more greasy, the more Renjun was eating them.

 

Jisung tried to eat some but instead got his hand slapped by Renjun. Hyunjin just stared at him in absolute disgust. 

 

"Will Renjun ever stop eating the abomination that is hamburger flavoured chips? Find out next episode of Dragon Ball Z." Felix announced, earning some laughs from the crowd.

 

"Okay guys, bonding time is over. Let's get it!" 

 

_ Did she just say 'let's get it" ? _

 

-

 

There were a total of 4 groups consisting of 5 members. Renjun didn't have any of his friends with him, except for Jisung. _ Can't really consider him my friend, I just met him _ . They started to do workshops and head out to classrooms to get private lectures from university professors.  _ No wonder why this was so damn expensive.  _

 

"Hey Renjun, I brought some cold ass ravioli and I need to warm them up. Can you come with me to find an microwave or something?" Jisung asked while walking out of the classroom as they were on break.

 

"Sure, let me just drop my bag off in the auditorium." 

 

\- 

They finally found a properly functioning microwave with a moldy croissant next to it, in the staffroom. Jisung recreated the iconic vine with Renjun recording it on his phone, Renjun looked around the room and saw a list behind Jisung.

 

"Um, what's that?" pointed Renjun as he stopped recording and went towards it.

 

"Looks like a register, but none of these people are in the same class or grade? See, one person is in grade 9 where someone else is in grade 12." Jisung continued to look at the list while Renjun took his ravioli out of the microwave. But they heard footsteps.

 

"Fuck, someone is approaching. Let's hide." Jisung whispered and pointed to at the couch. Renjun made sure to make it look as if no one was in the room before they both hid behind the couch. Renjun was burning his hands with Jisung's now hot ass ravioli. Someone entered the door and it became even more quiet.

 

The person walked around the room, probably looking for something before they left the room. The boys quietly slipped from behind the couch and creeped to the door. They peeked outside and the coast was clear. Renjun and Jisung then left the room as if they had just planted a bomb. 

 

When they reached the auditorium, they both started to burst into laughter. Jeno approached them as if they were two mad men who just escaped an asylum. 

 

"Alright, I know it might be intense but no need to go all Joker on me." Jeno walked closer with his hands up in air as if he was going to be arrested. 

 

"Well who's going to tell him what happened?" Jisung laughed while holding his scorching ravioli in his hands.

 

\- 

 

As Jisung told them about the crackheadassery they had just experienced, Renjun went to get his bag. While he was walking back, he opened his bag, he tried to feel the bag but realised. 

 

"No chips." Renjun whispered to Jeno as if he had just seen a ghost. It was obvious that most of them wanted to blatantly laugh in his face, but Renjun was distracted. He wanted his chips back. He wanted justice.

 

"Dude are you okay?" asked Heejin as she was obviously trying to hold back her laughter but failed miserably.

 

Renjun then stepped on the podium and announced. "An investigation will be held!" He looked like a terrible politician. 

 

-

 

He only had a few minutes until break was over to hold some interrogations. He was ready more than ever. All the times watching Law & Order and playing Ace Attorney were going to help him on his case.

 

He cancelled out the other students, he barely talked to them so they shouldn't have even known about the chips. He instantly cancelled the teachers, they got cakes and pastries, there was no need to steal a broke Asian child's chips. 

 

He had 6 suspects.

 

He thought about Jisung.  _ He was the only one who genuinely wanted to eat my chips. Wait, but he was with me the whole time. There is no way, he could've left to steal my chips. _

 

_ Um... but what about Hyunjin. She was the one who brought up my chips and she detested them the most? maybe it was all a front.... Oh but also Jeno, he was the one who immediately started talking about the chips, he probably couldn't resist the golden goodness. _

 

_ But Heejin and Hyunjin, they never really talked about the chips, maybe they were just curious? Finally, Felix, quite a puzzle piece, maybe he decided to jump on the hate bandwagon to not seem suspicious but he also never showed any intrest in eating them. _

 

Then he realised.

 

"Alright nerds, show me your hands." Renjun marched around the group as if he was a strict dictator. The crowd protested but then decided to show Renjun their hands. Everyone did so except for one person. Jeno. Bingo. You may wonder what was his motive about his cold crime, well that was what Renjun was going to discover.

 

"Caught you." Renjun then smirked at the guilty boy and his oily hands. Jeno was as silent like a dead horse, not even a whisper.

 

Everyone stared Jeno as if he just committed a murder. Heejin peered closer into Jeno's bag and pulled out the stolen chips, just almost empty.

 

"Look I can explain-" Jeno tried to speak before Jisung interrupted with a fake and loud cry.

 

"You can explain in the hands of the court." remarked Renjun.  _ Fuck I'm really nailing this.  _

 

"I thought you hated them, I thought that was OUR thing" Hyunjin jumped on the bandwagon as she then responded in utter disbelief while hitting her heart to emphasize the 'our'. Felix then fake comforted her, while mouthing 'you're a monster' to Jeno. _ Give these people Oscar's, like Meryl Streep who? _

 

"Ok now cut to the chase, why? WHY?" screamed Renjun as he held the taller from his shirt. People probably thought he was crazy, but he didn't care. He was getting justice.

 

"Alright, I just wanted a snack, I was hungry but I will cook a hot pot for you the next time you visit my house" Jeno explained after almost being murdered by Renjun.

 

Renjun was way too into this. He spat on his shoe but missed and accidentally spat on Hyunjin, who expressed his disgust and then hit Renjun in the shin.

 

"Deal." Renjun shook Jeno's hand and an agreement with the devil was made.

 

\- 

 

_ The next day _

 

After they all headed home, Renjun still in the car with his mom, had an idea.

 

[ **chat:** obama means family (8)]

12:13

 

**injun:** hey guys do yall what some hot pot

 

**lele:** yes PLEASE

 

**sun:** ugh what a king

 

**nono:** oh fuck no.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song recommendation: 4am by iu, the song has such a mellow late night vibe and i just love! but also can yall listen to my queen, cheetah, especially her songs blurred lines (ft. hanhae) and stagger. In this household, we love talent


	7. yuta and the geico squad mcdonald’s rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heyo! just finished growing back my hairline to lose it again lol.  
> -  
> taeyong: yongie (ty.95)  
> johnny: john (john.the.baptist.95)  
> yuta: nom! bitch (yutavis.666)  
> changkyun: wolf (danny.96)  
> jooheon: hee hee (joo.94)  
> wheein: whoee (hehe.95)  
> hwasa: stinky (hwahwa.95)  
> nayeon: extra! (yeonie.95)  
> jeongyeon: nom! hoe (yeonie.96)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo! is me, the ironic thing about this whole fic, is that i dont stan most of the groups ive included so welp! if my characterisation is horribly wrong, you know why. so yeehaw lets do this. i just watched The Greatest Showman, a bitch was tearing up and all so yee yee.
> 
> the u/n at this point just get more foolish, so i aint going to explain them because they are literally unexplainable. but the usernames i show, are the ones that appear in the chapter. So taeyong and johnny from NCT; changkyun and jooheon from MONSTA X; wheein and hwasa from MAMAMOO; nayeon and jeongyeon from TWICE all dorm with Yuta so ye.

[chat: geico is real and want your nudes (9)]

21:04

 

**wolf:** yall i have sum'ting to say

 

**stinky:** shut up u furry

 

**wolf:** shut up stinky

 

**nom! bitch:** can you fools stop?

 

**nom! hoe:** look at u trying to be civilized

 

**nom! bitch:** fuk u mean

 

**whoee:** it meant eat this ass aha, AHAHA

 

**john:** rip to peppa pig, forever in my heart uwu

 

**hee hee:** peppa is dead????

 

**john:** well, maybe in china but otherwise no, i just dont hear of her often :(

 

**wolf:** anyway back to topic, i found enough money at my friends house to buy all of us a dollar meal at mc donalds, whos in ;)

 

**extra!:** my FUCKING king!

 

**stinky:** are you only summoned when food is metioned?

 

**extra!:** ion know, ask my demons

 

**yongie:** well who is going to drive yall to mc donalds

 

**wolf:** see young sir thats when you come in

 

**yongie:** there is no way im driving EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU to mc donalds

 

**whoee:** hear that changkyun, no dogs in the car

 

**john:** FHSKSKS

 

**wolf:** i can just keep the money for myself you ungrateful hoes

 

**extra!:** um- no GIVE ME MY FOOD

 

**nom! hoe:** FUCK drive us to mc donalds please, we havent had any food in our dorm because yuta decided to bet our leftovers and groceries to ten's dorm

 

**nom! bitch:** listen- i dont know what happened myself and plus CHANGE YOUR NAME YOU THIEF LIZARD 

 

**stinky:** ooo yuta you see her typing that means she is STREAMING with her big geico lizard insurance energy

 

**nom! hoe:** um sorry sweaty, first you knew what you were doing you just lost at uno to EVERYONE in the dorm and secondly i didnt even change my name, johnny did it as someone made him the admin and lastly PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY WE LOOK LIKE EACH OTHER, SO IF IM A LIZARD BITCH, YOU KNOW YOURE ONE TOO.

 

**hee hee:** jeongyeon: h-

yuta: "cAn I oFfEr YoU sOmE iNSuRaNcE?" headass

 

**extra!:** the accuracy in that text is too much

 

**whoee:** so are we getting mc donalds or not??

 

**wolf:** only if ty track comes thru

 

**yongie:** dont call me that 

 

**hee hee:** anyone: ty track

**taeyong:** [WAR FLASHBACKS]

 

**stinky:** how about we get an uber van??

 

**john:** do you have oovo javer money?? exactly

 

**whoee:** toasted and roasted 

 

**extra!:** doesnt one of your friends have a van or a truck? just something big enough us and yuta's big ass head to fit in

 

**nom! bitch:** listen- jeongyeon also has a big head

 

**stinky:** can someone tell these lizards to STOP

 

**hee hee:** im pretty sure irene is still borrowing her dad's van from texas

 

**extra!:** YES U GENIUS, i will borrow it with my Cute Girl Charms© and we can get our food

 

**john:** YESSSS I HAVEN'T EATEN PROPER FOOD SINCE FOREVER

 

**yongie:** mcdonalds isn't proper food- u know what, nvm

 

**wolf:** well you can stay at home with that attitude

 

**nom! bitch:** okay operation feed me HOE is a go!

 

-

 

Nayeon, fully dressed in her pyjamas, walked into the Zeus residential building, probably the calmest building but also the furthest one from everything on campus.

 

Yuta and Jeongyeom walked slowly behind the smaller girl as she entered the hallway. Yuta only went since he needed to still get his Nintendo 3DS from Sicheng.  _ That bitch best have not deleted my saved file on Animal Crossing, I'm still in debt with Tom Nook. _

 

"Ayee, it's the twins" screeched Taeil as Yuta and Jeongyeon followed after Nayeon while playing Cluedo with Sana and Jungwoo. He must be drunk. Yuta just rolled his eyes in annoyance as he scouted the place out for Sicheng. While Nayeon asked for where Irene was, Yuta headed to Sicheng's dorm.

 

He knocked on the door before realising it was open.  _ He's so lazy, god _ . He entered the room cautiously trying to dodge the lego blocks, he stole from the art department, from when him and Lucas decided to build a sculpture of Mariah Carey. It failed miserably. 

 

He saw Sicheng sleeping on the couch with a hot pocket falling out of his mouth and his laptop on his stomach _. Should I wake him up? _

 

Yuta took a step back and the slapped Sicheng on top of his head. 

 

"WAKE UP BITCH, WHERE IS MY 3DS?" screamed Yuta as he searched for his 3DS. 

 

A confused Sicheng rubbed his eyes as he sat up and looked around. 

 

"You idiot, I returned it to you already. Did you check your messy ass desk." Sicheng squinted at Yuta and tried to hit him but the former dodged. 

 

"Oh, whoops. Lol, goodnight." Yuta walked out the door as he waved the exhausted boy.

 

"YOU KUMQUAT, CLOSE THE DOOR!" 

 

-

Yuta returned back to the common room, where Jeongyeon was cutting and eating their cheese while Nayeon was still trying to persuade Irene to use her van, under the guise that she has to pick up an important package.

 

"But the post office is closed?" questioned Irene as she ate her toast with marmite.  _ Ew, that shit taste like ass on bread _ . Nayeon paused for a second before answering.

 

"I need to pick it up from Matthew's flat and on the way, I can get you some of Ashely's lasagna too" Nayeon answered frantically while twirling her hair around. She always does that when she lies, Yuta noticed that and so did Irene.

 

"Well..... okay, just be safe and say hi to Ashley for me as well. Plus, how do you know Matthew?" pondered Irene as she held her keys out to younger. 

 

"Oh come one, EVERYONE knows Matthew" replied the drunk Taeil as he waved his wine around, having a bit of it spill on Jungwoo. 

 

"Ahaha, well bye," Nayeon said nervously as she snatched the keys from Irene's slender fingers and she ushered Yuta and Jeongyeon out of the common room quickly before Irene changed her mind. Jeongyeon followed behind, holding their cheese in her hand.

 

"Hurry up!" Jeongyeon pushed them out of the door until a shout was heard.

 

"The fuck! Our cheese!"

 

-

 

They ran all the way to the underground parking where the van was, and fuck was it a long run. _ I need to start running more _ . They finally saw the crowd by Irene's van eagerly waiting in their blanket, pyjamas and long ass coats. 

 

Nayeon dangled the keys from her hands as she met with the crowd.

 

"LET'S GET THIS MCDONALDS" Nayeon danced as she tossed the keys to Taeyong who started to head to the driver's seat already.

 

"Wait, why is Jeongyeon eating cheese?" Changkyun pointed as he looked Jeongyeon eating from the block of stolen cheese.

 

"Don't question me, you peasant!" Jeongyeon pointed the block of cheese at Changkyun's neck as if it was a knife. They all jumped in the van, excited to get some Mc Donalds.

 

-

 

They were all talking and having fun, like the broke college students they are. 

 

"Hey, pass me the aux." Wheein stretched her arm to the front, to get the aux cord before Johnny slapped her hand and handed it to her instead.

 

"You demons, that is probably the worst thing you can do!" Hwasa exclaimed while eating some of Jeongyeon's cheese. 

 

"Chill, guys, I won't play anything bad." Wheein scrolled through her phone as she was trying to pick a song. While everyone was grunting and sighing, DPR LIVE's To Myself blasted through the speaker.

 

"AYEE, DPR WE GANG GANG" Everyone sang in chorus while dancing to the beat. The songs afterwards weren't bad, but the hype calmed down until Wheein looked behind her and screamed. 

 

"AYEE DJ WHOEE IN THE HOUSE, CAN I GET A HOIYA!!!" Wheein screamed as she jumped up and down while only receiving and quiet 'hoiya' from Nayeon who playing Piano Tiles on her phone.

 

Everyone decided to go along with the hype until they heard some violin.  _ Owo what song is this?  _

 

_ ~ I used to rule the world. See the rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone, sweep the streets that I use to own. ~  _

 

Everyone grunted while Wheein was jamming to it. Her dancing was interrupted by Jeongyeon throwing her block of cheese at Wheein.

 

"I'M CALLING MY LAWYER" Wheein pointed at Jeongyeon, who was at the back while the van erupted in laughter.

 

-

"We are here y'all" Johnny spoke in his worse Southern accent while everyone cringed.

 

Jooheon pointed and shouted at Johnny. "You're being yeehaw racist, Mama June wouldn't appreciate this!"

 

"Okay, can we stop this crackheadassery for a second? Are we going through the drive-thru or are going inside?" asked Taeyong who was entering the Mc Donalds parking lot. 

 

Everyone answered the drive-thru. As Taeyong drove into the drive-thru, Changkyun started to pat his pockets.

 

"Oh my god, don't tell you forgot the money?" asked Yuta as he started at the panicked boy. Changkyun soon found the money and relieved the van from stress.

 

"Hey, guys apparently there is a special offer for today, you get half off of what you pay for at the end." Hwasa scrolled through her phone while reading the online coupon she received. Thank God for coupons. 

 

"YESSSS, so if we do the maths....." There was a moment of silence while Changkyun was doing the maths in his head, drawing out the numbers with his hands and quietly whispering his calculations. "That means there will be $4 left over" Changkyun announced proudly.

 

"Umm... No, if we all get the dollar meal that costs $1, then it will equal to $9 and then using the coupon we half it, causes there to be $4,50 left over" Johnny explained while smirking at the younger. Everyone said their 'oohs' and 'aahs' to make matters worse.

 

"Well, now I feel dumb." Changkyun pouted while holding the stolen money. "It's okay, you can try again next Math's Olympiad" Nayeon patted his back from the back of the van.

 

_ ~ Ughh... Welcome to Mc Donalds. The fuck you want? ~  _

 

A monotone voice emerged from the intercom.

 

"What did this bitch say?" whispered Wheein as she looked at Hwasa, who was as perplexed as everyone in this car.

 

"Well okay, no need for the angsty teenager attitude. I would like to order 9 dollar meals, an Mc Chicken, one box of 8 Chicken Nuggets and rest Big Mac's and 3 Cokes, 2 Fantas and 1 Sprite" Taeyong spoke into the intercom as he poked his head out of the window.

 

_ ~ Um well.... The drive-thru is closed. Come back when it isn't. ~ _

 

"I'm about to beat this intercom up, I JUST WANT SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS" Jooheon opened the window as he screamed into the intercom. 

 

_ ~ Well shame ~ _

 

"Um hello? Hello? HELLO?" Taeyong shouted into the intercom as everyone prepared to pull a heist on the Mc Donalds. "I guess we will go inside" Taeyong suggested as he continued to drive to the entrance of the Mc Donalds.

 

"What the fuck..." Jeongyeon whispered in confusion as they were driving past and saw an employee hiding behind the ice cream machine.

 

"We can see you!" Yuta shouted at the obvious employee as they were hiding.

 

When Taeyong finally parked, they all exited the van and headed into the building.

 

"Hi, welcome to Mc Donalds," said an unenthusiastic employee as they drank some of the coke from the dispenser.

 

While Taeyong was ordering, Nayeon whispered to the crowd. 

 

"Hey guys, turn your heads around look at the man in the crusty sandals, I think it's Mr Diaz, the one that walks around campus as if he owns a farm and has a wife called Cynthia. But don't make it look obvious." Nayeon leaned into the crowd and before she could finish her sentence, everyone's head was turned trying to spot the professor. 

 

While they were all roasting Mr Diaz's poor choice of shoes, even Johnny called them the 'Jerusalem 11's' causing the group to explode full of laughter, making them quite noticeable. Yuta watched Taeyong talk to the employee until they all heard.

 

"Sorry, we don't have the dollar menu" The employee answered in the plainest voice ever.

 

Changkyun let out a quiet but painful cry as he clutched his $10 in his sweaty hand. Everyone comforted him, while Taeyong walked back. Jooheon started tearing a bit. 

 

"Hunger is a thing and it is coming to eat our asses" he spoke in a monotone voice while sitting one of the chairs.

 

As everyone was going to leave the fast food joint and go back home, hungry and sad, Taeyong pulled out his wallet and sighed.

 

"I'll buy you guys Mc Donalds since I'm getting paid soon anyways" he waved his wallet as he sighed. Everyone gave Taeyong a big group hug. _ Ugh, my king. _

 

"Our lord and saviour, Lee Taeyong" screamed Yuta as the crowd cheered on Taeyong as he was moving towards the employee for the second time.

 

\- 

 

The night turned out well, as everyone got extra large of everything and Jooheon got 20 chicken nuggets. 

 

_ Our lord and saviour, Lee Taeyong. _

 

-

 

"Hey, quick question, do you guys ever question why our building is called 'Hades'" Yuta asked with his mouth filled with a Big Mac.

 

"Oh.....My...God" Jooheon dramatically gasped as he put his hand over his mouth.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song recommendation: no.5 (ft. crush) and cool (ft. tobi lou) by penomeco, YALL GIVE PENOMECO THE LOVE HE DESERVES, cause this whole ep just SLAPS! hard and im happy that million market is getting mre attention since they signed with sm and the quality of their everything has improved so ye. Also yall should listen to december, 2014 (the winter’s tale) by exo cause damn.


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